ルサネーシャー (starlit_neko) wrote in hammerspace,
ルサネーシャー
starlit_neko
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Title: Twisted Alice(it's official name now)

Series: Original with a few book references

Warnings: Ooooo~ Mentions of a brothel and some prosty-tutes! XD *coughs* I know I spelt that wrong... And some shounen-ai in the future chapters.

Rating: PG-13... Just to be safe~ :P

Summary: Alice is on her way to get the blood-red gem and on her way, she stops at a brothel...

Oh... And the second chapter is not as sarcastically funny as the first chapter; I'm actually now wanting to make this into a more romantic comedy thingy story~ *laughs*

Twisted Alice Ch. 2



Alice pushed through the rain-drenched branches and shrubbery as the thunderstorm continued on. Stopping as she stepped into a muddy puddle, Alice looked down at her muddied up mary-janes and stockings and grimaced rather prettily. Pushing her soaked black hair away from her face, Alice looked through the rainy and branched din and spotted a faint glow of lights. Grabbing the skirt of her dress and petticoats in her hands, the drowned rat…er, drowned girl ran for all she was worth. Which was about $33.07 and a piece of string… Mwahaha.



Running pell-mell through the rain soaked branches, Alice got closer towards the glowing lights. And as she got closer, the lights got brighter and brighter. Eventually she burst out from the woods and stopped in a brightly-lit clearing. Even though she had run through many sharp branches, there was not even one mark on her pale skin. Huh… Must be because she's the heroine of the story… After catching her breath, Alice looked at the brightly-lit building in the clearing. In bright neon orange lights, there was a sign with the words "The Silken Pony" alternatingly lighting up. There were other neon signs with stuff like "31 positions in 60 minutes!" and "Best time of your life for a great price!"



Cocking her head to the side, Alice stared quizzically at the signs for a moment before she shrugged her shoulders and walked towards the front door. Knocking somewhat softly on the door, Alice waited silently and shivered every so often as a cold wind whipped by her small form. Knocking a bit louder, Alice nearly fell back on her arse when the door suddenly opened and a grinning face thrust itself forward until it was a few inches away from Alice's.



"Welcome t' the Silken Pony! So glad you're here."



Pulling back, the face was that of a handsome incubus. He had black hair cropped close to his head except for several long braids pulled back into a ponytail with different coloured ribbons, coins, and glass beads woven through the braids. Violet eyes, set in a tanned angular face, twinkled madly in merriment and a full mouth grinned broadly, showing off straight pearly white teeth with two pointed and slightly longer canines. The incubus had a wonderfully tanned, slim body, which was encased in a zipped up black leather vest and low slung tight black leather pants. He wore two silver studded, black belts around his hips, silver wristbands, an amethyst encrusted silver collar, and silver studs in the delicately pointed ears.



"So how about I get you inside and warm you up, eh?" Winking roguishly at our quite stunned and bewildered heroine, he reached forward, grabbed Alice by the wrist, and pulled her into the delightfully warm building. Looking around, Alice gaped in wonder. While the outside of the Silken Pony was rundown looking, the inside was quite the opposite.



Plush, dark-red carpet covered the ground and gauzy, different coloured scarves and veils hung from the ceiling and walls. Huge comfy looking, velvet pillows were scattered here and there with a few low tables mixed in between. Even though the room was quite cozy looking, there was no one there.



Looking at the incubus as he continued to drag her along, Alice huffed.



"Where are you taking me?"



The incubus looked back at the slightly damp girl and smiled brilliantly; so brilliantly that he nearly blinded poor Alice.



"Patience, miss. We're just going to the reception room and then we'll get you set up."



Blinking the spots from her eyes, Alice nodded dumbly. The man soon stopped in front of a door, quickly opened it, and walked through while still continuing to drag around poor, poor Alice around like a beat-up rag doll. Pushing the bewildered girl onto a posh pillow, the incubus closed the door and then sat down on another posh pillow in front of Alice.



"So… I must ask, how much are you willing to spend?" The incubus leaned towards Alice and rested his chin on steepled fingers and grinned quite wickedly at the girl. Alice stared in confusion at the man before innocent understanding lit up her velvet brown eyes. "I only have $2, sir. I do hope that will be enough…?"



The incubus' smile turned positively heavenly as he stared at the girl in a different. And the light suddenly disappeared as a thieving squirrel stole the light bulb. Heheheh…



"Ooooo…quite the high spender, aren't you m'lady? $2 will be quite enough. It will actually be more than enough." He reached forward and grabbed Alice's smaller hand in his. "We'll give you the very best. But it really is a shame, I was so hoping you and I could have some fun…" The incubus pouted cutely at the confused girl.



Alice smiled sweetly and patted the incubus' hand, "I'm sure we can still play, sir."



The incubus looked stunned for a moment, before he threw his head back and laughed. "Ohohoho…I'm sure we could, m'lady." The incubus chuckled for a few more moments before he stood up, pulled Alice to her feet, and they left the room. They walked over to a green with ivy vines painted on it.



"You will be in here, m'lady…" Opening the door, he gently pushed Alice into the room, and shut the door behind her with a *click*.



Looking at the door for a moment, Alice then looked towards the room and gasped. The room was a beautiful mixture of a different array of greens and light, delicate pinks. The carpet on the floor was a deep green and was so soft that Alice's feet nearly sank into it. The walls and ceiling were painted a light, pale pink with ivy vines and different light coloured roses. In one of the corners of the room was a four-poster, cherry wood bed. It had a light pink comforter with flowers and ivy vines embroidered in dark green thread around the edges. Thick, light green curtains on the bed were pulled closed. In another corner was a dark cherry wood desk and armoire.



Stepping further in the room, Alice sighed in bliss as a breeze of warm air washed over her and she quickly shimmied out of her clothing until all she was dressed in was a slightly damp, white camisole and slip. Slipping through the curtains, Alice crawled under the blanket and quickly fell asleep.






Shifting in the bed and a warm weight caused Alice to suddenly wake up and her eyes to flare open. Velvet brown met bright red. Blinking rapidly, Alice shifted around until she identified the weight to be that of another body. The girl gaped at the other person, until she blurted out the first thing that came to her mind, "Bwah…?"



The person chuckled lowly for a moment before curling tighter around the prone girl.



"I take it you are asking who I am, yes?" At Alice's hesitant nod, the person chuckled again.



"I, my dear, am the great and talented Vidin. But you….can call me Vidi…" The person, Alice determined it to be a man, purred. The girl shivered and her innocent mind whirled in circles. Soft, slim fingers ran feather-like across Alice's face until Vidin pulled away slightly.



"Now. Considering you are here, I take it you are spending quite a bit. Am I correct?" Alice merely looked in the man's direction in confusing until saying, "I'm slightly confused, sir. I was only wanting to spend the night because it was dry. But I didn't know this was your room, or I would've asked if there was another room I could stay in or if there was something I could sleep on…"



Vidin gaped in surprise at Alice until he fully pulled away from her. "You're saying you didn't come here for…?"



"Here for what, sir?"



"Here for sex. And please, call me Vidin."



"Er…okay, si-Vidin. …Can I ask you a question, Vidin?"



Vidin had his face in his hands, and in a somewhat distracted and muffled voice said, "Sure, sure…"



Alice sat up and tried to look at the slightly confused man in the darkness. "…Where exactly am I?"



Vidin's head shot up and stared at the girl in surprise. "You have no idea where we are?" A negative headshake from Alice nearly sent the poor man into a fit of hysterical giggles, but a few snickers did manage to escape.



"You, my dear, are in a brothel." Vidin's eyes twinkled wickedly as Alice's mouth fell open in shock.



"No how about we get you out of bed, considering it's now morning and we'll get you dressed, Miss…er… What is your name anyways?" Alice flushed in embarrassment at having forgotten her manners. "My name is Alice."



"Alice… Such a lovely name for such a lovely girl." Vidin smiled when he saw Alice flush again in embarrassment.



"But Vidin, how can you even see me? I can barely see you in this darkness…"



"Ah…just one of the many perks of being what I am…" He chuckled. Alice shifted around uneasily, occasionally looking in the direction of Vidin until she blurted out, "Can I please see what you look like, Vidin? I-I mean, you can see me. I think it would only be fair if I get to see you…" She looked away from Vidin shyly.



Vidin stayed silent for a moment as though he was thinking before he replied. "Oh I suppose so… Though I do want something in return." Alice hesitated somewhat. "…I guess so, even though it really isn't all that fair… What do you want?"



Vidin smirked before purring, "A kiss."



TBC…



...... D: Would this actually be considered original?
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  • 6 comments
You are using a very strange and sarcastic voice while telling this story and I am not quite sure if I like it or not. Though I am very particular about what I find 'amusing' or not. So you really don't have to listen to me there. I do, however, have a few suggestions.

It would flow better if you started new paragraphs when new characters speak. It would make it a lot more easy to read, as well. Don't worry about having short paragraphs; it's just how it works out and it does flow better.

There are a few points where you seem to be a little redundant, using the same word over and over again. I'd suggest trying to find a different way to make it flow better.

On that note, I actually did like the plot. I am really looking forward to seeing more of this. It's Alice but pervy. And I think it might be considered original because Alice has long since become public property. She's had so many stories for it to actually be fanfiction anymore.
*nod nods* I see. I'll look over it more and make the necessary changes and whatnot. *brings out a thesaurus and grins sheepishly*

*nods again* Okay~ Yay! My story is original! lol

*bows* Thank you for the critique, Goddess.
I am glad you weren't angry with my crit. I know some authors would prefer we didn't crit so harshly. And I am afraid I was a little harsh, but I would really love to see you get better. I think you can! *hugs you muchly*

And if you'd like some help, I am not on often but if you'd like I can see what I can do. I've become a strange beta-reader lately. People sending me English assignments and occasionally stories. *chuckles*
I didn't mind much. When I read all your critique, I was really only cringing, going: Amagawd~ I have a bit to work on. *slaps forehead* lol
*huggles back*

Thanks for your offer, Goddess. I'll get back to you on that after I've worked out the bugs on this. :)
Again and as usual I love this story, and I can't wait to see where it goes next, or really how it goes, because the end doesn't matter right at the moment. At any rate, much love, Neko.

~Nightfire.
*bows* ^-^ Thank you for reviewing again~
And I'm glad you are looking forward to the rest of the storyline.
And again, thank you. *bows*